yay for boob jobs

So, Mike and I were talking last night (woohooo) and we started discussing the fact that I still want to have breast implants. And the conversation took a turn I didn't expect. The conversation kind of went something like this. (from memory not word for word):

Mike: Did you do your final so you can get a job?

Me: Plan to do so tonight or tomorrow. But it will be done

Mike: Well, I was thinking...

Me:uh oh

Mike:You should get breast implants before you get a job so you don't have to take off work

Me: WHAT?!?!?! Are you serious right now. Don't mess with me

Mike: Yeah, see if you can get them financed, do research tomorrow, schedule a consult, if all goes well do it in the next month or 2.

Me: OMGGGGGG EEEEKK!!

Mike: let me know what you find out when I talk to you tomorrow

Ok so you got the jest of it. So here is where it gets super duper exciting for me. Look up surgeons I have been researching, comparing, talking too, etc since I moved here. Sent some emails, researched financial options...went to bed.

Today: 9:04 am phone rings. Me (groggy): hello? It was my top choice surgeon's office calling to talk to me about consultation dates. I was like ok, well wait, I need financial options etc before I make any decisions. Estimated cost, down payment etc. She gave me the options and a date to get in for a consult (April 5th woohoo)! I loved all the answers and especially loved the 20% military discount they offer. Moving on....I do the application process for financing. Estimated it at 5300 just in case and slowly felt my heart sinking. I have like no credit. Everything is always in Mike's name, no way in hell was I going to get approved if Mike didn't. I sat staring at the screen waiting for my response...which was a big huge YES!! So, yay financing is there...consult is scheduled...and I have 3 available dates for surgery open to me. (so many choices here).

Ok, so far so good. Then I think OH SHIT, who is going to help me out with the kids and drive me and all that fun crap?!?! PANIC MODE. Once again my heart falls, Mike isn't here, I don't have help, what to do? LIGHT GOES OFF IN MY HEAD...my mom! Granted she lives in Arkansas but I'm her daughter, she's a great caretaker..hmmm. So I call. She says yeah of course, but see if you can get it the week of the 12th or so. Ok, good to go. I call....take a deep breath, and the lady wasn't available. CRAP. So I email her. Got a response quickly after. She asks if the 15th is a good day for me. UMMM DUHHHHHH! I am sick of having Georgia peaches for boobs, I at least want melons, and the sooner the better!!!! Call my mom, she says see you then! SUCCESS!!!

Now, I'm sitting here (impatiently) waiting and hoping for Mike to get online so I can tell him my super exciting news and I have to figure out a way to stop smiling like a dumb ass b/c it's all I've done all day! This is what I've wanted since I was 13. (so wish I was exaggerating) and I'm finally getting my dreams to come true. EEEK! Wish me luck!! Updates will come! I guarantee it.

Dear deployment (yeah, I'm bored)

Dear deployment,
First of all I want to say I understand that you are part of my husband's job and I fully accept that! I will not bitch, I will (try) not to complain, and I will keep my head held high! However, this does not mean that I won't cry over stupid miniscule things or get mad at a jar that won't open. It does not mean that I won't spray his cologne on my pillows at night and listen to "Home" by Chris Daughtry every night before I fall asleep. I also vow to keep my phone by my side at all times and never be disconnected from yahoo or his facebook updates (in the rare occassion that he actually gets online)! I will accept you, you damn deployment, and I will be glad to see the end of you. Until then I'm kind of at your mercy aren't I? I will not hold a grudge against you, because really it's not your fault, but that doesn't mean I have to like you. And I will deal with it every time you rear your ugly head in my direction. Oh well, this is life.
However, I must thank you. We've made it through Iraq, but that was such bad drama during that, that I only learned "bad lessons" about life and who not to be friends with this. But so far, you have treated me differently! I changed my brake light BY MYSELF for the first time in my life. No directions, no help, nothing. And guess what? The dang thing works! I've kept a smile on my face most of the time, haven't slept in, kept the house clean, and have managed to start working out on a pretty regular basis. Granted we're only 2 weeks in but so far so good! If this keeps up, Mike is going to come home to a wife with a smoking body (and also a wife that can change the brake light he couldn't) . And you are also paying for a down payment on Mike a new car and half the cost of some elective surgery for me. So yeah, not gonna hate on you too much. The other half, well that's coming from the job I have to get once I finish my school, which will be SOON. Have no doubt, I will become a better and stronger person because of you! So, don't think you have the best of me, b/c you don't! You never will.
Looking foward to seeing the end of you,
ME!!

deployments and yoga....they fit right?

I've been needing to update this, but life is so boring right now that I don't really have that much to say. Mike made it to Afghanistan safely and I finally heard from him last night via yahoo and man was i ecstatic. I literally did my stupid little happy dance that just makes me look like a fool, but who cares? I talked to him. For like a whole 15 minutes. Excitement? I THINK SO!! We're only into day 6 of this deployment...as in 6 days since he left on the plane, not since he made it to "the hell hole" (yeah, decided that is my lovely nickname for that place) safely and that was a huge breath of fresh air.
In other news, I decided to try yoga for the first time today. Always thought about it, done everyother kind of workout, so why not that? I started with my 2 mile walk with the neighbor and the kids then came home and was all motivated. I popped in the dvd, still pumped, and got ready. Yoga mat? check. Water? check. Phone (in case Mike calls). check. Laptop in view in case he gets online? check, check, check. So I'm good to go Right?? HAHAHA. I made in through the warm up just fine. Even thought "man this isn't as hard as I thought it would be"..then the sun salutations or whatever the crap they're called started and OH MY GAWD, halfway through it felt like my body had been stretched into every direction imagineable and I was pretty sure I was going to fall apart. What happened to my dancer's grace I used to have? More so, where the hell did my sense of balance and centering go? Apparently it left me, because it sure wasn't with me today! So because of today's painful, clumsy, stretching, (un)pretzel like movements, improving my yoga is just yet another thing added to my deployment to-do list. I'll keep ya updated. But at this moment i'll just say oww and I really can't wait for the kids to go to bed so I can take a nice hot bath with aromatherapy salts :) (there's my silver lining).
Ok, that's it for now, I have a lot more to say but the kids are yelling for me to play a game with them so off I go! Update for ya soon. XOXO~me

Hello Cherry Point..

Well, I guess I lied the other day, Mike didn't leave yet. Instead, he has been just sitting in Cherry Point and waiting....so on Friday I said screw this and made the 6 1/2 hour drive here, and it's been well worth it!! I'm leaving Wednesday...no sooner b/c we want to spend every last possible minute together. So corny I know but oh well. The kids are loving it, Mike is loving it, and well I'm definitely loving it. My mother in law came her Saturday to see him before he left again and and we had a blast...I am so blessed to have her as my mother in law!! And we FINALLY had some family pictures made. Thanks to my friend Jennifer for driving the hour from J'ville to not only watch the kids so Mike and I could go out but for also doing the pics for us the next day. She is an amazing photographer and none of us realized she was taking 3/4 of the pictures that she did. I know this is all a lot of rambling, but I'm tired as hell but it's so worth the late nights. Last night was Peggle night (stupid addicting game) and Mike decided that the loser had to drink, and I was very obviously the major loser. Wow, I know Mike got more than one laugh from me last night. It was fun! And no, I wasn't beligerantly drunk just felt really good and YES the kids were asleep. Hate when I have to justify myself on my own blog but some people just like to judge way to much so I had to put my little disclaimer in there ;) Well, I know this is a short blog but I'm gonna go cuddle up next to my sleeping husband....he looks so peaceful and watch cartoons with my kids. Thank God for king sized beds when we;'re having a lazy hotel day. Will update again soon. Much Love!!

Things you may not know about me

Ok, so there are a lot of random stupid things that people don't know about me....some embarrassing, some shocking, some just funny...so, I'm gonna do a nice little list for you...:)

1. Everyone knows this one, I am TERRIFIED, PETRIFIED, INSANELY SCARED of freaking clowns. I have a theory I will die by being murdered by a clown on an elevator. Don't laugh, it's true.

2. I'm incredibly judgemental of myself. I'm definitely my own worst critic. Always have been, but as I get older, it gets worse. What people say looks great about me or is great about me, I will find all the negatives. It's a horrible trait, but it is what it is.

3. Before I'm 30 I want to go to Germany just to visit Anne Frank's secret Annex. Been one of my dreams since I first read the book many years ago.

4. I want to adopt at least one child in my life. Since I can't have another one, but want another one, and there are so many children out there without families, it feels like something I was meant to do.

5. I have about 10 different things I want to major in. Somehow someday I will complete all my dreams. Or at least try too.

6. I feel most at peace when I'm at the beach. Something about watching my kids play and soaking up the sun rays just takes all my stress away. Summer can't get here fast enough.

7. I want to dance again. Not just dance, I want to compete again. I don't see it possible, but I miss it so much and I dance every chance I get it.

8. My grandparents are my heroes...and even though my papa died recently, he still remains my hero and I believe he is watching over me nonstop.

9. I'm petrified of roller coasters, but love the thrill of riding them. Before I get on I literally want to puke, but it's worth the thrill.

10. I want to go skydiving, even though I'm scared of heights....and free falling. But it seems like an amazing experience and it's something I will do.

11. I have never shot a gun in my life, am actually scared to even be around them, so I'm making Mike take me shooting when he gets home from deployment. Hopefully it will rid me of my fear.

12. I love Disney movies :)

13. It's a secret, so keep it to yourself, but I LOVE the Twilight series, and countdown to the movies like I count down to homecomings. Mike thinks it's hilarious. Oh well.

14. I have a lot of Cherokee Indian in me, but you can only tell in the Summer when I have a tan. Any other time I'm pale as a ghost. I need to go to the tanning bed.

15. I'm incredibly conceited about my hair. It took me a month to decide to cut it and even longer to actually do it. But thank goodness it looks good...or I'd seriously wear a wig. Yes, that bad.

16. Even though I've lost a LOT of weight, I'm still quite self conscious about the way I look. One of my goals is to improve my view on myself during this deployment.

17. I love wearing pajamas all day and watching lifetime. And eating popcorn or ice cream with it.

18. I really hate working out. But I need to do it. GRR

19. I love to write, but I never think it's good enough so I never post the stuff.

20. I think that's all I got for now....

Thanks for reading if ya did!

Been so long!

Wow, didn't realize how long it has been since i've been on here. Don't think anyone really reads anyway, so guess it doesn't matter to much. But moving on....

I sent Mike off to Cherry Point today for him to go off to Afghanistan. I haven't thought of a nickname for this one yet...Iraq was the sandbox but this so isn't the same. Right now Mike has dubbed it "the shithole" and I have a feeling that the nickname will stick. Everything about this time around is different. Frequent internet access? HAHA NOT! Frequent phone calls?? Yeah, right! Baby wipe baths? Yup, definitely so. The goodbye was different...we walked away from everyone to the car and helped me with the kids, kissed them bye, kissed me bye and handed me his wedding band (Don't let him take it b/c his fingers swell way to bad in the heat). He walked away. I grabbed him one more time and kissed him again. It was raining (so fitting, fit my dreary sad here we go again mood) so he rushed me to get going. Thank God b/c the buses were pulling up and I LOATHE those things. Well, we have a hate/love relationship. Hate them at the beginning LOVE them at the end. Unfortunately, we have several months to the end. BUT we'll make it. I truly believe, even through all the bullshit people cause, that we will once again survive it. Probably come out stronger than ever.

I do worry about the kids. They're used to the AZ trips where it was like 8 weeks. They don't really remember the last deployment...so, i'm curious/anxious/scared to see how they are two months from now. Guess we shall see...but I know I am capable of doing this, Mike knows I am, and my family does too. Here's to another deployment!

I'm ending this short blog with this...
Dear Lord, please keep my husband safe. Protect him from harm and always let him know that I love him and we are waiting for him back here at home.

I love you Michael John...you are pretty amazing. Even through all the hard times! Be safe baby!

My baby isn't a baby anymore

"Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown. In my heart it don't mean a thing."
-- Toni Morrison

Today I met Tristan's first teacher. The teacher I will give him up too for 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. I met the woman I have to trust to influence him and comfort him when mommy isn't there to protect him. I walked in and he started playing with all the new toys. His eyes sparkled as he took in this whole new world, this world he's heard about so many times but never actually knew. He had this look of amazement and wonder and it hit that I really had to let him go in a couple of days. I had to make myself realize that I've taught him and raised him to do this, to be able to handle this. I had to remember that this is what mother's do. They spend everyday trying their best to make sure their children grow to learn to love, to have compassion,to trust,to always have faith in God, and have faith in others. However, in the middle of all these thoughts, Tristan turned and smiled at me and in that moment all I could see was the moment I first saw him. I remember still lying there on that wonderful operating table hearing him cry. That cry was all I needed and this feeling of relief came over me. The fear of something going wrong with his birth was gone, nothing but a memory. And then Mike carried him over too me. Until that moment I had NEVER felt love like that. I stared at him in disbelief. This beautiful baby boy with his gorgeous lips and blue eyes...his dark hair his tiny little nose. Mike put him close to me so I could kiss his sweet little head and I made him pull the blanket away so I could see his perfect little fingers and toes. At that moment with all this love came fear. Fear for all the things that could face him in life. The fear of knowing that I am who he depended on, I was the one who had all the power to comfort him, to love him, to teach him, nourish him, kiss his owie's and make everything better when he was sick. I took on this whole new responsibility and at that exact moment I knew I would live for him and my future children. My world was no longer my own...I never wanted my own again. Every moment since then has been consumed with love, fear, worry, happiness, amazement and pretty much every emotion a person could ever feel. I held on to that memory for a few brief moments then allowed myself to snap back into reality. When I did, I felt a new reality. I knew that as hard as it is going to be to walk him into that classroom and kiss him goodbye on Monday, it's still going to be a whole new amazing wonderful chapter in our lives. To watch my son grow up, to see him with this whole new independence is simply the reason of my being. I know one day soon he's going to get his feelings hurt, or maybe he'll get in trouble and put in time out, he might get a broken heart from that 4 year old girl on the other side of the room :( but I know through it all, I will always be there. Every step of the way. No matter how many hours he's at school, he will always have his mommy there to comfort him, to reassure him ,sometimes punish him, sometimes hug him. He is my baby, he is Sean's big brother, he is Mike's spitting image, He and Sean are my everything and I look forward to everyday of the future.
And now since I'm seeing the computer screen in a major blur I'm going to go kiss my children and tell them how much mommy loves them. Then probably have to fuss at them to clean the room I know they haven't :) Wouldn't trade a moment of it for the world