True friends are rare

"When I'm asked what one happy thought is, I always say that no matter how big the fight is I always have a best friend."

I don't even know how to begin this blog...being emotional isn't helping I'm sure. I've heard so many times a true friendship is rare, hold on to it when you find it. It's such a simple phrase, but it is so difficult sometimes to hold a friendship together. It's true...like any relationship, a friendship takes work and loyalty and trust and love. Finding "friends" starts at such a young age...even as a toddler you meet and associate with other peers and say "i love you" to everyone you meet that makes you smile. Just yesterday I took Tristan to swim practice and when we walked through the entrance, a little girl named lily ran up to tristan and said "will you give me a hug?" He did of course and he and Lily later had to be separated because they wouldn't stop talking long enough to listen to the instructors. But woah getting way off original topic here. Ok, so what I'm trying to say is it is so simple for children to make friendships because they're so innocent. There's no judgement, no what if's, nothing at all. It's just simply a you seem nice, let's go play. Such a beautiful thing. But when you start to grow up...there's all the social aspects. How does the person dress? How do they look? Are they in the right crowd? Do they have something in the past that people harrass them about? Should I jump on the bandwagon and cast stones also or stick around and get to know the person? You get the idea. You've been there I'm sure. LUCKILY though, I do have a couple of friends that don't "cast stones" at me for my past mistakes, and i'm sure not for my future ones either. The one that actually inspired this blog knows who she is and she knows she means the world to me. This person whom I CHOOSE to call my best friend is one of the kindest, most loving, funniest, smartest, most beautiful women I know. Her and I have had quite a few ups and downs. Not just in our friendship, but also in our seperate lives the past year a half. Due to others, we've even went months without speaking but I never once stopped considering her my best friend. And she proved it the day Mike deployed...i was feeling so alone that next morning and low and behold I get a text from her telling me she was there for me and she loved me and we went right back to the way things had been prior to stupid boys messing up our friendship. Since then there have been a lot of hard times for the both of us. Times we have cried together, laughed together, plotted murder (hahah joking but it sounded good) and threatened to kick eachothers butts if we apologized to crying or venting ever again :) More recently we've had some more hard moments. As in the past, we both hurt. I mean that's what best friends do right? Miss each other when they're not there correct? If not, then yeah, I'm weird and can't stand the thoughts of not having my best friend a part of my life. It's just not something I like to think about. But anyway, I was straying from the topic again my bad. But once again, we've found our way back. It sometimes takes being scared or getting worried and having to know the other person is ok to mend the friendship. Sometimes it takes a big fight and a lot of tears to make a person realize how much someone means to them. Sometimes it's as simple as just not feeling complete without the person to turn too, even if it's just to tell a funny joke. Either way, the ones who truly matter, the ones who are meant to be in your life are the ones that always pick up the pieces WITH YOU and don't leave you to do it alone..no matter how hard things were a few minutes before. THAT IS FRIENDSHIP. And I'm so thankful for the true friendships that I do have..though they are few and far between, they are all worth it

The frustration!!

It's been a while since I updated this thing so why not do it now? My frustrations are sky high with things and hopefully writing will make me feel a little better. We'll see how that works out for me. The past week has been such a whirlwind of emotions and I literally go from crying to laughing to flipping out in a matter of minutes but hey that's me for you. I've never been that great at keeping my emotions in check...but it's fine, that's who I am and I give up on changing it. Within a week, I've almost lost my marriage, realized who my true friends are. But Mike and I are working very hard to keep our marriage alive and HEALTHY and those who think i'm stupid for it well I don't care. Mike and I have had some of the worst times ever...times that most people would literally just give up on and say it's not worth it. I've had moments when i've been laying on the floor crying just from sheer irritation and hurting and not knowing what to do. Mike and I have said some of the most hurtful things to eachother, things that would usually be unforgivable. We've hurt eachother alot...BUT we find our way back to eachother. Back to the laughs and happiness. Back to the smiles and the playful flirting. Something always happens where we look at eachother and know that we do love eachother with all our hearts and it makes us get our heads out of our asses and do what we have to do to get things "right". This time is proving the same. So, it's hard but we're getting there. I'm sure there's plenty of arguments to come...plenty of hurtful words...but marriage is a job. You just don't get paid for it.
Now onto my other "issue" in life. WTF is wrong with some people? I'm so so so tired of being there and giving my all in a friendship and then the moment the "friend" decides i'm not there enough or there's to much "drama" (see whole story above about my LIFE) they walk away like i'm nothing. Like i'm just dog crap on their shoe and not worth their time. Well, guess what? As much as I love these people I can't do this anymore. I can't sit here and beg for forgiveness and apologize and all that when it's all in vain anyway. Granted, yeah the past week I haven't been around for people like I should I guess. But for once, I had to put others to the side and focus on me and my family. Sorry for that. But I know I've made the right decision. So many times I've given up time with my husband and everyone else just to be there and listen to and comfort a "friend" while they need me. And never once did I complain or regret it. And you know what? I still dont regret it. It sucks that these people aren't in my life anymore...and it hurts more than i'll ever let show, but it's not something I have time to deal with right now. Right now my focus is my marriage, my children, my house, school work, the friends who are true and then finally ME! I've got to live for me everyonce in a while. As selfish as that may seem, but I have too. I can't possibly make Mike happy, or even my kids happy, if I'm not truly happy. So days at the gym are starting and Tuesday night dinners at Carolina Wings with my family, Movie nights with mike and ofcourse 1 vs 100 on xbox (mike and i have a new addiction). This is my life. If people don't like it, then leave it. Don't expect me to conform to what everyone wants anymore. I will not let it ruin my marriage, my life, or my kids life. Got it? Good